The Merits of Raw Fish
by little elfling
Summary: Smeagol(and Gollum) tells all of the uses of Raw Fish among many other funny stories also includes Legolas and maybe a few hobbits.Hope you enjoy, read&review...please?
1. the merits of raw fish

THE MERITS OF RAW FISH []  
  
Told by Smeagol/Gollum  
To Pendragon(whowroteitall)  
  
The merits of raw fish contain many, many delightful things. Among these things are taste, ready ability, smell, and of course entertainment.  
The taste is rare. It has deceits of algea, as well as rot. It taste this way mostly because the subject of matter is eaten without fire. If it is left to long out without being devoured you are forced to share it with the flies ,who will most certainly gather in moments.  
Raw fish can be found almost anywhere, ranging from oceans to lakes and including fish markets. However it is not exactly a good idea to help a hobbit*grrrrrr.....* named ....Frodo Baggins to the gates of Isagurd as it is certainly going to lead to your capture. Capture meaning that your sitting in a favorite fish hole , singing and bashing fish heads when the hobbit asks you to come to him. In doing this is not give you any pleaseings of raw fish.  
  
Master is evil.  
  
While the smell leaves much to be desired as a perfume, it has definite warding abilties. For example if you put three day old fish outside your cave, nothing will bother you for days. Did I metion that old raw fish works exactly the same as a clove of garlic?  
  
Master is not master, only young stinking hobbit. Gollum is master of all, *cough gollm,gollm cough* I's iss master of raw fissh land!!!!!!!!  
  
RAW FISH LAND!!?? *Smeagol thinks a moment and comes to this concluison* REFRESHING!!!!!!!  
  
Well..ahm...back to the suject at hand......(embarrassed smeagol)......  
  
The entertainment of raw fish is of high quality. All you need is a fat supisous hobbit named, Sam. Oh and of course a pot, boiling water, and some "potateers" as well as a peeler. First let said hobbit start skining "potateers" and put them in the pot. As soon as that is done run in with some dead, bloodly rabbits as well as some dead raw fish. Make a big deal out of bring the dead rabbits along with the fish and then stop midsentence and look at the pot. Exclaim that he is murdering the "potateers" and thurst the rabbits in his face saying that "these rabbits gave them selves up to be cooked with "potateers" fresh from the ground, covered in dirt". Should he retaliate in any way ,which includes him throwing away the rabbits and/or you, whip the raw fish from behind your back and threaten to hit him with it. Should he be consitist however, gently/forcefully remind him that he'll smell of raw fish *yumm.....raw sam fish * for days. [] Dumb hobbit fish....  
  
This brings us to the end.Gollum is glad you could enjoy this . Remember that raw fish is number one, oh and reader you smell like a heard of rotting Uruk-hai muching on a bucket of raw fish (veerryy olld raw fish). 


	2. The song in Mirkwood

THIS TAKES PLACE WAY BEFORE WHAT HAPPINED IN THE 1ST CHAPTER.  
I THANK ALL OF THE REVIEWERS!!!!!!!!!ENJOY!!! Smeagol, Legolas (NOTE:Legolas is guarding gollum/smeagol,and this takes place just and hour before smeagol gets away from Mirkwood!)  
  
In Mirkwood ...  
  
Stupid elf.....  
  
Be quiet!!!  
  
Hey, stupid elf boy I want some raw fish and dead rabbit!!!  
  
No!!!  
  
Why not?  
  
Cause...  
  
why Cause...  
  
Cause I said so,that's why!!!!  
  
(memicks legolas)  
  
"Cause I said so,that's why!!!!" the stipid elf boy says .  
  
(smeagol coaughs a couple times )  
  
Ahhm  
  
Now what??  
  
"Smeggie weggie raw fish fried ,kissed the king and made him die, and when the elf guards came out to play, smeggie weggie ran away!!"  
  
(Smeagol bows a couple of times ,and climbs back up the tree and away)  
  
Stop come back here !!!! How dare you sing about killing the king!Come back here!!!!! AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!  
  
(Back at the palace ) "Gandalf did you hear something?"says king Thanduil.  
  
"No, why do you ask?"  
  
"Nevermind it was probably nothing..."  
  
THE END.....for now!!!!!hahahahahahha!!!!:hack-hack-hack!1!!!  
  
(Legolas comes running into the scene)  
  
THERE YOU ARE HEY,STOP I SAID STOP!!!!!!!!!  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MUST RUN AWAY NOW,TILL NEXT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	3. Authoress's Note!

4.Author Note  
  
Disclaimer: sorry for the mistake with the 1st chapter appearing as the 3rd also the computer I had done it on seems to hate me.i will try to fix the mistake sorry if there may seem a delay.  
  
I do not own any of the characters (what a pity...). And Pendragon is my dear friend, who I thank for helping me get started. Please r&r!!!!!  
  
THANK YOU ALL, I'AM NOW ACCEPTING NONSIGNIGTURES, BE FREE TO REVIEW NOW ALL YOU NONSIGNIGTURE PEOPLE!!!!!! OH AND THANK YOU Yukai-chan FOR reviewing the story, oh and I will stop pestering you at school, that is until the next chapter comes out. ^-^hehehehehehehehe!!!!!! 


	4. the real patty cake patty cake

disclaimer: hey ladies and gents sorry for taking so long on getting this chapter up but I was sick for a while and school make up work is not pleasant plus my computer messed up .I'm so proud of myself for actually getting this done with out being so lazy!!!!!! Hope you enjoy, please review!!!!!!!!!^~^  
  
in mirkwood ...  
  
Sméagol is playing a patty cake patty cake game with the tree he is imprisoned to.  
  
Meanwhile Legolas is keeping his ears open to any weird noises in case Sméagol tries to escapes or orcs  
  
attack. He hears muttering from the creature Sméagol, turns and finds the creature claping his hands together and patting the tree muttering tunes.  
  
Curiosity and confusion mask the elf's face instantly; he walks over to Sméagol to ask what he's doing.  
  
What are you doing? Leggie asks.   
  
(Author's note:i'am using Leggie for short because it's to much of a hassle to keep typing Legolas each time he says something ,and Sméagol is Smeggie for short.)  
  
Smeggie turns around from the tree and looks at Leggie with puppy dog eyes (scary).  
  
Nothing sides why would you care you sssssttttttuuuuuuuuppppppiiiiidddddddd eeeeeelllllllllffffffiiiiiiiieeeeppppppoooooooo!!!!!!!!  
  
(Yay smeggie's back to normal!!!!!)  
  
Leggie wearing a look of complete horror from the look that Smeggie had first given him was speechless, then his face turned into a emotionless look that might even have been described being more scarier then that smeggie had shown. (Talk about scary)  
  
Smeggie not that scared, says, do you want to play with me or not?  
  
Leggie says, sure.(fool)  
  
I'll do the words you just clap k?Smeggie asked.  
  
K, Leggie said.  
  
GREAT,GREEN,GLOBS OF GREASEY,GRIMIE GOLLUM GUSTS,  
  
MUTILATED SMEGGIE MEAT,  
  
LITTLE HOBBITS DIRTY FEET  
  
HOT MORDOR LUNCHES  
  
ARN'T MENT FOR ORCS TO EAT,  
  
SO PASS THE ELF BLOOD PLEASESSSSSSS   
  
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! Smeggie yelled as leggie started strangling him. Finally smeggie got leggie of him, jumps up the tree and starts yelling and, cursing at, and about leggie.  
  
IIIIII hhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooooooooooppppppppppeeeeeeeeee yyyyyyyyyyyyyyoooooooooooou uuuuuuuu eeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnjjjjjjooooooooyyyeeeeeeeeddddddddd ttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Smeggie yelled at him. Leggie just grunts and walks a little distance away.  
  
TTTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLL NEXT TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	5. the recent FBI info on smeagol

Declaimer do not own any of the characters (what a pity). _~_ um...please review. There will be another chapter cooming soon. The FBI interview of smeagol  
  
THIS IS THE UNAUTHORIZED COPY OF SMEAGOL'S DAILY LIFE.  
  
smeagol's love life -nothing  
  
smeagol's life -none of the above  
  
smeagol's daily chores-clean the tarp, hit fat hobbit, yell at fat hobbit, yell that the fat hobbit is  
  
killing the "taters",show master the way to the gates of mordor,save master (though we should't  
  
have),sing while killing raw juicie fish,save master(though we should't have),get  
  
captured,scream about how bad and evil master is cause he took the precioussss,take master to  
  
gates of mordor,that fails,take him and fat hobbit to be eaten by Shelob(a really big spider),that  
  
fails,led hobbits into big oven,eat the precious plus master's finger,gag,fall into oven,and  
  
become a great mass of toasted burnt marshmellow smeagol.  
  
MAKE SURE TO EDIT EVERYTHING, and pay smeagol jack squat for telling us everything while being drunk. (note-he smells strongly of smoke and burnt skin.) 


	6. Authoress's Note gone wrong,and snicker ...

Author note-I'm sorry to say that I have a big writer's block. If you have any  
  
suggestions...you know where the review button is. Please help!!! It would be much needed. oh and I'm working on a another Sméagol story ,and I might post what I have made of it .So...arghh..  
  
*this is smeogol . I'm you commandeer. givie me *  
  
This is little elfling, smeg&Gol threw me off the keyboard for a moment there.....pendragon gave Sméagol a snicker bar...the fool.....he has been hyper allllll ddaaaayyyyyy!!!  
  
I'm going to be having a poll of what you think should think should be the next chapter is the about.  
  
B.) "what's in your tarp?"-- a spin off of the capitol one commercial  
  
A.) Sméagol in a high department store.  
  
D.) __________(fill it in, fools! {}  
  
I.) this is written by me so it can be whatever I want it to be!  
  
E.) Did i mention what wonderful reviews y'all are!  
  
Sméagol's lasts word~~~~~*twitch**twitch*...0o0 need snickr....chocolatr!!!!!@~@ 


End file.
